“Heavy Flow” Drunk

Smoking martini glass
Gizmodo: Seven Insane Ways To Get Drunk Without Drinking

People’s creative methods of intoxication never ceases to surprise me. I have recently learned of a trend where people douse tampons in liquor and insert the saturated tampon into their vagina. Another method that causes quick, intense drunkenness is an alcohol enema, also known as “butt-chugging.” Apparently this avoids smelling like alcohol and saving the many calories gained by consuming alcohol.



Do these methods actually work?

Yes, they do. The vaginal and anal walls are lined with mucous membranes which can absorb the alcohol directly into the bloodstream (which makes complete sense if you consider how suppositories work). Unfortunately for those that are utilizing these methods, they are mistaken about their ideas of avoiding the calories or the booze-breath. Once the alcohol is absorbed into the body, so are the calories and the alcohol turns into alcohol-smelling vapors that leave the mouth.

Why is this a bad idea?

Aside from the fact that you still gain those calories and you smell like alcohol, these methods can cause damage. Since alcohol desiccates the mucus from the lining of the vagina and anus, the walls are more likely to tear which can cause fissures, hemorrhoids and possible infections. Additionally, open sores increase the risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections. Alcohol also disrupts the pH balance of the vagina (generally between 4.2 and 5) which leads to yeast infections and/or urinary tract infections.

I am going to go out on a limb and suggest that the people who are inclined to consume alcohol through these methods are not likely to take care of problems that occur due to these unconventional methods. An untreated yeast infection will prevent pregnancy from occurring (this is not a good contraception method!), continue to mutate and spread, and can possibly cause sepsis and death.

Please put your creative energies to better, more productive use.

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